Saturday, July 27, 2013

Chapter 4 of:

Odd (but true!) tales from the past! (TM)

Today will be more of a series of fun facts than a long winded story. Deadlines are pressing so I have to be brief.

Fastest thing I've ever been hit with: Lightning.

Heaviest thing I've ever been hit with: An 18 wheeler (but it was going sideways so it's okay).

Flattest thing I've ever been hit with: A 4 X 8 wooden sign that blew off a rooftop (very fast) because a helicopter got behind it (improperly) while I was directing 2nd unit on a movie. Luckily my head cushioned part of the blow or my collarbone would have shattered.

The oddest moving thing I've ever been hit with: A D cell battery thrown (with astounding accuracy) at my face by my cousin when we were teenagers. It spun and rotated in the weirdest way before striking my forehead. And left a bump on it bigger than the battery itself.

Sharpest thing(s) I've ever been hit with: Butcher knife (glancing blow), switchblade, butter knife, #2 pencil, machete (but it was the dull side so it doesn't really count - no blood).

Softest thing I've ever been hit with: kittens. And they were tossed gently.

Best thing(s) I'm glad I wasn't hit with: This one's a three way tie:

1) A car battery that flew out of an exploding car on the set of a movie I wrote that managed to fly about five hundred feet into the air and land fifteen feet away from all of us who thought we were standing at a very safe distance or:

2) A car going the wrong way at about 80 miles an hour on a one way street in Lake Worth, Florida about 25 years ago. I was just in town visiting and was about to drive across what I thought was a deserted street in the middle of the night. I looked to my right, the direction any oncoming cars should have been traveling, started across the road, then had an odd feeling and looked to the left. A car with no lights on was doing 80 the wrong way. I stopped inches short of what would have been a fatal collision and watched him head on up the road, obviously trying to make last call somewhere.

3) The ground. While returning from a film festival in Vancouver our airplane lost power and dropped more than 5,000 feet before getting its shit together. Luckily we were 25,000 feet in the air so we had plenty of room to spare. When you see the Flight Attendants start crying, that's when your heart really begins to race.

Thing I never, ever want to be hit with again: baseball bat.

Hottest thing I've ever been hit with: fire. (The lightning was probably hotter, but I don't remember it very well.)

Most immovable thing I ever hit my own self: A doorknob on a closed door when I was 4 years old. For some reason I decided to ram it with the top of my skull. I remember doing it very deliberately, just to see what would happen. I received a number of stitches. And never tried to do that again.

The worst thing I've ever been hit with: Subpoenas.

Now, please buy a DVD:

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